I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
