Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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