as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
