I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
