Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
