Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize