Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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