Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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