So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
