She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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