This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
