dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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