Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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