apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They took my balls.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
