Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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