I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
