she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
