____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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