I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
