I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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