I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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