He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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