If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
