The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
