Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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