I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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