he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
