if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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