so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
