I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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