Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
