I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
