hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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