I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize