I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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