he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
