piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
