tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
