Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
