Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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