she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
