she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
