Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
