He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
