I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dicks are not precious.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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