there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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