Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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