is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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