So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
