The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
