she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
