sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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