Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
