i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
