I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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