Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
