That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
