Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
