Cold hands, warm shart.
You work out of a Hotel?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
