Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
