One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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