I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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