so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
