We're facebook friends in real life
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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