I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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