Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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