jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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