I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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