He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As shirtless as possible
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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