@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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