I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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