We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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