The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
