i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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