before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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