oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
