I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
