Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
