I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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