Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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