he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
