You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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