Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
