We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize