the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm passing your future prison.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
