I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
