She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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