thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
