Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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