I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
