i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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