I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
