You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
