worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
