I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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