She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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