I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just come out here and I will go home with you...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
