I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
