Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
