This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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