I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize