Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
