can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
