My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
