ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
soo... how was my night?
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