If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
