Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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